I’m doing a series on my blog called “don’t answer that”. In it I respond to or create personal ads on Craigslist. The responses are not quite what the person is hoping for and the ads are just wrong. This week I respond to a man on the Upper East Side who is looking for a lady with a hairy bush.
(The print is small so read below)
Hi there my name is Genoveve. I actually have a pesky bush in my yard in need of some serious trimming. I saw your ad but had a hard time reading it because I need to change my prescription. A friend of mine told me to look on Craigslist because it’s been very hard to find a nice affordable landscaper in my area. Most are too expensive being on assisted living and all. How much do you charge?
At this point I play coy.
He comes right back with this.
At this point I have to let him know that he can’t have my bush but I still need a gardener.
(Dear Mr. Gentleman,
after sometime searching I found a pair of reading glasses my deceased husband once owned. They had somehow ended up in my old linen closet. Your question seemed a bit odd to me I must admit. I gave your ad a thorough once over and realized by “bush” you were referring to vagina. In my day we called it snatch razzel. Your ad is not at all what I thought it was. Are you a gardener? Now I feel it a bit inappropriate to discuss how hairy I am but, I responded to your ad. Lets just say I got fed up with the maintenance using those single blade razors around the time grunge music was hip. Now I can see by your ad that you are searching for something. I truly hope that you find it. The question still remains though. How much to trim the bush in my yard? Are you affordable? I would do it myself but my balance isn’t what it used to be. Hope to hear from you soon.)
That was it for him. Guess he wasn’t the gardener I was hoping for.